Sakuya, Be Honest: Are You Wearing Pads?
by DarkOppressor
Summary: There are many questions that surround the Scarlet Devil Mansion, but there's a question that no one ever dares to find out for themselves: Does Sakuya wear pads?
1. Don't Lie to Me Sakuya

**Sakuya and the Perils of Wearing Pads**

"Sakuya, are you wearing pads?"

The maid stopped sweeping the hallway floor and turned around to give her mistress a puzzled look.

"Pardon me, Ojou-sama?"

"I asked if you were wearing pads."

The vampire repeated.

"I'm afraid that I am not, Ojou-sama."

Sakuya resumed sweeping.

"What would prompt you to ask such a question?"

Remilia shook her head.

"I was just curious."

She started walking away. When she rounded the corner and made sure Sakuya wasn't in sight, she started to dash towards the library.

* * *

"She denied it?"

Meiling asked, making a face. Remilia nodded, taking a sip of tea from her cup.

"Without any reaction besides confusion?"

Patchouli asked next, not lifting her eyes from the book she was reading. The three were huddle around a round table in the library, Remilia drinking tea, Patchouli reading, and Meiling listening intently with her cheek resting on the palm of her hand.

"Yep."

Remilia sighed.

"I thought you said you were sure that she was wearing pads, China."

Meiling fell backwards in her chair.

"T-that's not my name, Ojou-sama…"

"Aside from Miling's name problem, I can tell you without a doubt that the maid does indeed wear pads, Remi."

Patchouli lifted her eyes from her book when Meiling shot up and slammed her fists on the table, tears in her eyes.

"That's not my name either Patchy!"

She sniffled.

"ONEE-SAMAAAAAAAAA! ONEE-SAMA!"

Remilia looked from side to side.

"Was I the only one who heard Flan calling for me?"

"ONEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-SAMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

The ground shook gently. Patchouli shook her head.

"No, I heard it too."

Meiling ran out of the library.

"HANG ON FLAN! I'M COMING TO HELP!"

"Hey wait, don't-!"

Before Patchouli could finish her sentence, Meiling had already rammed the doors open, the mahogany wood shattering into pieces. The magician sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose.

"I'll get someone to repair that sometime."

Remilia muttered before standing up from her seat and walking out of the library as well. When she got into the hallway, she stopped in her tracks.

"Calm down Sakuya-san! What happened?!"

Meiling was crouched next to the maid, who was on the floor with her face buried in her hands, softly crying. Flandre walked up to Remilia and was visibly panicking, flailing her arms while looking as if she were clutching something in each hand.

"Onee-sama! I made Sakuya cry and I don't know why!"

Remilia furrowed her eyebrows.

"What did you do Flan?"

"All I did was ask if these were hers!"

Flandre stopped flailing and held her hands up to Remilia's face. At first she couldn't identify the two tan things her sister was holding, but after a minute she realized what they were.

"Sakuya, you liar! You DO wear pads!"


	2. Sakuya, Stop Going Through Puberty

** Sakuya, Stop Going Through Puberty  
**

Sakuya wasn't seen outside of her room the following week after exposure of her wearing pads. Everyone had tried to tell her that it was okay (Albeit very funny) to wear pads. Everyone; Remilia, Flandre, Patchouli, Koakuma, and Meiling. (Whom had been the one trying the hardest.) But of course, since this story needs something interesting, she hadn't come out of her room.

"Sakuya, open the door."

Remilia said, knocking on the wooden door.

"No."

"Sakuya, open the door."

"No."

"Why are you acting like this? It's not like we'll tell anyone."

"I'm going through puberty!"

The vampire sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose.

"You're 16 and are probably older than you should be, I'm sure that you've gotten waaaaaay past that stage. Now open the door or I'll have Meiling ram into it like Patchy's doors."

The door opened, but honestly, Remilia liked looking at the door better than the mess before her. There were bags under the maid's eyes, and she stripped herself of her maid's uniform so that she was wearing an oversized tank top and jean shorts. (Wait, how did she get modern clothes in the first place?) Her hair was very very very very very very VERY messy, her braids undone and her ribbons long gone.

"Sakuya, I command you to make yourself decent."

"No."

"Sakuya."

"Ojou-sama."

They stared each other down.

"We're done here."

The maid said, backing into her room and slamming the door in Remilia's face.

* * *

"So, she's going through puberty?"

Patchouli asked, once again not lifting her eyes from her thick book.

"That's what she claims to be doing."

Remilia sipped her tea and set her cup down onto her coaster with a tink. (Tink tink) Meiling stood up and slammed her fists on the table.

"If Sakuya-san is going through puberty, then it's our job to support her every step of the way!"

"Kurenai's right."

Patchouli said.

"THAT'S NOT MY NAME PATCHY. HONG. MEILING. IS THAT SO HARD?!"

The gatekeeper shot a glare at the magician.

"Stop it. Both of you. Now, I highly doubt that Sakuya is going through puberty; She's been with us for 10 years and even then she was a bit more mature than she should be, even as a 6-year-old."

"That doesn't mean anything Remi. Hormones can drastically change a girl's body, you know. For all we know, she's fighting an internal war between emotions."

Meiling slammed her fists on the table again.

"And that's why we have to help her win that war!"

"Chuugoku, I was saying that metaphorically."

"THAT'S A COUNTRY PATCHY NOT A NAME!"

Remilia stood up and walked away, silencing the two.

"Whatever. If Sakuya really is fighting an internal war, then it's my job to win regardless of both sides."


	3. Stahpit China

** Meiling, You're Taking This Too Seriously**

"Ojou-sama! Oujou-sama! I've prepared the weapons for the war against Sakuya's emotions!"

The gatekeeper stopped Remilia in the middle of the hallway and pulled out a rocket launcher, 2 assault rifles, a sniper rifle, 4 pistols, 10 grenades, and a slice of pie from her skirt. Remilia didn't say anything, but only stared at the weapons.

"China, we're supposed to be in the time period where guns and grenades aren't even invented."

Meiling strained her face, forcing on a smile.

"That'snotmynamecoughcoughcough. Actually, I got these from Kourindou, and since that shopkeeper can get stuff from the other side of the barrier, it was fairly easy.

"I was making a statement, not a question Miling"

Remilia crossed her arms over her chest while Meiling fumed in silence.

"Besides, we're trying to deal with Sakuya's emotions, not blow her to pieces."

She glanced at the rocket launcher.

"But, Patchy said that it was a war. And what's better in a war than guns?"

Meiling started to put away her guns up into her skirt.

"Patchy said that metaphorically, I think we've discussed that already."

"Who cares about metaphor? People just want to read about stuff blowing up.'

Remilia started to make her way past Meiling.

"Just return those things to Kourindou, we're not going to be using them anyway."

When the vampire was out of sight, Meiling sighed rather heavily.

"But he said that these were non-refundable…"

* * *

"Sakuya."

Remilia found herself outside of Sakuya's room again, knocking on the wooden door.

"Go away."

Came the reply.

"Sakuya, are you PMSing?"

"No."

"That's what you said about wearing pads, look where that got you."

The door opened abruptly, startling Remilia for a minute. Sakuya still looked the same as she did last time the vampire had decided to visit her after the exposure her pads. It's too bad for me to type down because in my imagination, it's just horrid. Her appearance, I mean. Yeah, okay, let's continue.

"Ojou-sama, are you shooting?"

"...Come again?"

"A beautiful barrage of bullets, are you shooting them at me?"

"Sakuya, make some sense otherwise I really will let Chuugoku blow you up with the variety of weapons she has up her skirt."

"CHUUGOKU IS A COUNTRY OJOU-SAMA!"

Meiling's voice echoed from somewhere. Remilia looked from side to side and shivered. She slowly turned to face Sakuya again, regaining her composure.

"Anyway, Sakuya, I'm not shooting, whatever that means, I just want to wake up with a cup of tea being held out to me in the evenings."

The maid slammed the door in Remilia's face. The vampire sighed and knocked again.

"Sakuya, open this door."

"Do it yourself!"

This was getting annoying. Remilia grinded her teeth and marched down the hallway.

"MEIRIN GIVE ME THOSE WEAPONS YOU GOT FROM KOURINDOU!"

Meiling sat in the corner of her room with her sheets draped over her head and the lights off.

"Maybe... I should change my name to U.N. Owen..."

* * *

_**Chuugoku (中国) Means China in Japanese. By the by. The by.**_


End file.
